My spelling is so bad that yesterday I got a message from my "spell checker" that said I had been placed on a no-call list.
I borrowed this one from Albert Einstein who said, "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Times sure have changed. The other day I attended a wedding, and the preacher said, "Do you promise to love, cherish and protect her in sickness and in health until Medicare takes over?"
My wife and I have an excellent relationship, but since we got that water bed we seem to be drifting apart.
I should have known my bank account was in trouble when the calendar they gave me only went through March.
Someone asked Aunt Mavis if Uncle Arlo believed in life after death. She said, "Honey, he doesn't believe in life after supper."
Uncle Arlo will never tell his age but if he said if he were a banana, the grocery store would have thrown him out because he was too ripe.
As I've said before, I love to cook-- but I'm gonna start using more fresh vegetables rather than the frozen kind. Last night while I was fixing supper, I came down with severe frostbite.
Cousin Eldean thinks that Gatorade is welfare for allegators.
I love to cook and the first thing I do is chop up a big sweet onion and some garlic. Then I decide what I'm gonna fix for supper.